The Sex Advisors

Here, Cratchet, what do you think you’re doing?

Uh, er, leaving sir.

Leaving? It’s 5 minutes to the hour. Shall I dock your pay accordingly.

Uh, er, no sir.

No sir? Well it’s back to work for you then, and be quick about it. And I don’t expect your mind to be off home before your body gets out the door either, what?

Uh, er, no sir.

Quite.

Will you be doing anything for Christmas, sir?

Christmas, Schmissmiss.

Uh, er, what sir?

Schmi, schmish. Smiss.

Are you okay, sir?

Schmee, smaa, ooh.

Mr. Scrooge, sir? Mr. Scrooge? Mr. Scroo….

***********************************************************************

Oooohhh. Ooooooooooooooh!

What? Who? What? Oh!

EEEIIIIII am the Ghooooost of Expeeeected Surprises.

What? What? Again? Not again. Oh please, spirit, not again. Please no.

EEEIIIIII visited yoooooou laaaast year, Scroooooooooooooge.

Oh, yes, spirit, that you did. That you did. Ooooooooh, and here I forgot!

FOOOOORGOOOOOT!!!!!

Oh, please spirit. Not so loud. Not again. Not again.

Why am I heeere again, Scrooooooooge? Why again?

Uh, uh, because I forgot the very thing that comes around every year. I forgot, yet again, Spirit. Silly me. Oh, silly silly me. I’m a bad man, spirit. Please have mercy. Oh please.

What is the Deeeeefinition of Expeeeected, Scrooooooge?

Um, of course, yes, I know this, why it’s something known in advance. Yes. Known in advance, spirit. Something you can see coming. It’s clear. It’s clear now, spirit. Foresight. Advanced knowledge.

And yet you are caught unprepaaaaaared again this year, Scroooooooge!!

I am, good spirit. I am wholly unprepared. I didn’t see you coming either, I fear. Stupid, silly man that I am. Oh spirit. Please. What is to become of me?

Yoooooouuuuuuu knoooooow.

Oooooh. Not that spirit. Anything but that.

Yeeees. Scroooge. Revise yoooooour buuuuuudgettt.

My, my budget, spirit? But I have a budget.

Muuuuuussssst yooooou beeee reminded agaaaaain? Yooooou have a moooonthleeey budget, Scroooooge. Buuut you have nooooo alloooocation foor annual expeeeennnssses.

I forgot, spirit. I forgot.

Eveerrrry year yooooou have nooooo money fooooor Christmaaaaas. Noooo money foooooor birthdaaaaay gifts, noooooo money foooooor caaarriage insurance, noooo caaaash for property taaaaxes.

No spirit. Never a penny. Never a pound. Never a schekel I fear. I’m tapped out and credit cards haven’t been invented yet!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Never meeeention credit caaards, Scrooooooooge!

Sorry, spirit.

The Ghoooost of Future Expeeeeected Surprises is beset with credit caaaaard nightmaaaaares! Yoooooou don’t waaaant a visit from hiiim.

No spirit, no. Not him. I’ve learned my lesson spirit. I have. I know I have. I will budget for annual expenses from now on. No longer will Ebenezer Scroooge be surprised by the expected. Caught without cash for things he knew, and always knew, were coming…yet again.

Caaaaash fooooor Christmaaaaaaas gifts too, Scroooooooooooge?

Wa, uh, ee, well, uh…

About The Author

Rick Hoogendoorn has been in the financial services industry in Victoria, BC since 1991. Happy Holidays from Cheri Crause & Associates Inc.

With the advent of the Internet, almost everything has been rendered deliverable with digital speed.

You could order items online, for example, and the same would be shipped to your doorsteps the next day. You could pay your bills through online channels as well.

And most definitely, you could apply for a credit card online, a process that gave birth to a tag for the cards acquired as such: online credit cards.

Clarifying The Term “Online Credit Cards”

The term “online credit cards” would be a little confusing for most. It shouldn’t be taken to mean that one would be able to procure online credit.

Only the application and the usage are referred to by the term “online credit cards” because the same can be applied for on the Internet, and correspondingly, can be used for transactions in the World Wide Web.

Applying For Online Credit Cards

Everything that is needed for conventional application for a credit card can also be done online. The requirements can be submitted digitally, and the online credit cards, once they are approved for distribution, can be delivered to the successful applicants.

These online credit cards are made accessible to the general masses because of such a convenient process. People can now avail of online credit cards without leaving the comforts of their own homes.

There are a lot of establishments on the Internet who offer online credit cards for anyone who is interested and who is qualified to be extended such a credit. A quick search on any of the search engines on the web would reveal a great number of these online credit card companies. It’s just a matter of doing your own due diligence and choosing the right online credit card which is perfect for your needs.

Using Online Credit Cards

The rule is simple: you cannot do business over the Internet without online credit cards.

Digital transactions would need a manner by which money can be conveyed digitally as well. Online credit cards have specified numbers and particular details. You would only have to type these in to be able to pay for goods or services procured in the World Wide Web.

The problem with online credit cards and their usage has always been about security. In the earlier years of the Internet, the details in many online credit cards have been hacked. As a result, the thieves would be able to use the accounts of the said online credit cards for their own purposes.

Thankfully, modern advances in the World Wide Web have effectively curtailed this problem.

Secured Socket Layers (SSL) with 128 bit and 256 bit encryptions have been introduced to guarantee the safety of the use of online credit cards over the Internet.

To determine whether a website is fit and safe to accommodate online credit cards, simply check if it makes use of SSL.

This can be determined by the appearance of a padlock icon on the lower right screen of your browser window. If the website has such an icon, you could rest assured that online credit cards would be protected.

Ewen Chia is the owner of http://www.Free-Credit-Card-Offer.com
providing quality free information on credit cards.
You can also apply for your credit cards online here:
http://www.CardWebDirectory.com

Your credit report contains important information about you. It generally includes facts about your identification data, your bill-paying habits, inquiries and public record information.

Credit bureaus compile and sell your credit information to businesses, which use it to evaluate your credit applications. Therefore, it is important that your credit report contain complete and accurate information.

Under the Fair Credit Reporting Act, you have the rights to dispute the completeness and accuracy of information in your credit files.

If you find information in your credit record that you believe is inaccurate, what you need to do is to complete the special investigation request form that comes with your credit report. Follow the form’s instructions to fill out all of necessary information.

You may also want to attach a letter to your completed form, dated and signed by you, and along with copies of any documentation you have that helps prove the error in your credit report.

The documentation might include copies of canceled checks, sales receipts, account statements, or previous correspondence between you and the creditor involved.

Attaching a letter to the investigation request form is always a good idea if you don’t think that the credit bureau’s investigation form gives you enough space to explain why you think there is error in your report.

Keep a copy of your completed investigation request form, letter, and backup documentation. They provide you with the records of what you said and when you said it. Also, the date on letter will let you know when you should have heard back from the credit bureaus.

Once you have completed the investigation request form, mail it, along with your letter, and copies of any documentation. Send it by certified mail with a request for a return receipt. When you get the signed receipt back, file it with the rest of your credit record information.

When a credit bureau receives a dispute, it must investigate and record the current status of the disputed items within a “reasonable period of time,” — between 30 and 45 days, unless it believes the dispute is “frivolous or irrelevant.”

If the credit bureau cannot verify a disputed item, it must delete it.

If your report contains erroneous information, the credit bureau must correct it.

If an item is incomplete, the credit bureau must complete it.

If a investigation does not resolve your dispute, the Fair Credit Reporting Act permits you to file a statement of up to 100 words to explain your side of the story.

The credit bureau must include this explanation in your credit report each time it sends it out. Credit bureau employees often are available to help you word your statement.

Be aware, however, that when negative information in your report is accurate, only the passage of time can assure its removal.

Credit bureaus are permitted by law to report bankruptcies for 10 years and other negative information for 7 years.

Also, any negative information may be reported indefinitely for use in the evaluation of your application for:

- $50,000 or more in credit;
- a life insurance policy with a face amount of $50,000 or more;
- consideration for a job paying $20,000 or more.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Bruce Liu is the author of the ebook
“Insider’s Guide To Credit Repair”.

His bi-weekly newsletter “Credit Secrets & Tips” provides all new, latest tips and secrets for repairing credit and managing debts! Plus, subscribers receive a 5-day mini-course
“7 Key Secrets Guaranteed To Boost Your Credit Score” instantly.

For subscription visit http://www.insiderguidetocreditrepair.com/subscribe.html
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Credit cards are a great way to help you to control your finances. It’s true that occasionally we may make poor decisions with our money, while other times the events in our life can take us beyond what we want and we are sadly left holding the bill. If you have found that to be the case for you, you may want to consider this great way to manage your credit card debt.

If you are faced with several large credit card bills, a UK secured loan is one choice for you to consider. Many people are selecting a UK secured loan to add to their financial portfolio and you might want to consider using one to deal with those credit card bills. Here’s how.

Gather together all of your credit card bills and add up the amount that you owe. Factor in the extra expenses you haven’t heard on your credit cards since you receive those bills. Add to that about ten or twenty per cent, which is the “whoops, I forgot about that” factor. Then, with that figure, start shopping around. There are many UK secured loan institutions that want to do business with you.

Get the loan and pay off your credit card bills. If you think that you may still use your credit cards or, you may want to hide them away so that you reduce the temptation to use them.

Now, instead of having several credit card bills at a high interest rate due by the end of the month, you now have one bill that is due once a month at a lower rate. This is called consolidation. At first glance it may not seem obvious why you’d want to do this but there are two reasons:

The first reason is that you will save a lot of money on interest rates. In fact, some UK secured loan interest rates might be as much as half of regular credit card interest rates.

The second reason is that you will get one bill with a fixed amount due every month rather than several bills with several amounts due throughout the month. This will help you budget.

Credit cards can be an excellent tool to help you manage your finances and by the things you want or need. But when things go a ride and your bills get out of hand, which happens to be even the best of us, choosing a UK secured loan as a way to consolidate those bills will help you reduce your interest rates and set up a fixed amount of payment. Reduced interest rates will ultimately increase the amount of money you keep and a fixed amount due every month will help you plan your budget.

Jeff Lakie is the owner of www.home-improvement-lender.co.uk providing Uk homeowners with a free loan quote service. Visit us today for a free no obligation quote.

Tips on how to get started now.

You will not be able to build good credit overnight. It will take discipline and persistence on your part to change your credit for the better. After you have fixed and improved your credit rating in the eyes of lenders, you will notice more opportunities offered to you to borrow money at more desireable terms than when your credit was bad. Just because you have bad credit does not mean that you can not borrow money or get a loan, it just means that less opportunities will be available. The funds you can get will come at a greater cost in terms of higher interest rates and more stringent repayment terms.

Many banks and lending companies are less likely to make loans to people with bad credit. Therefore, it only makes sense that you strive to improve your creditworthiness in order to convince potential lenders that you are a good credit risk. Once you have improved your credit history and track record you will be have better opportunities to buy a car, finance a personal loan, or buy a house. If you have already been trying to financed for any large purchases, then you may have noticed the hurdles you’ve been put through trying to get approved.

Fixing your credit rating may be as easy as getting any inaccurate statements off of your credit report. Therefore it is important to frequently check yours to see if everything on it is correct. If you do find inaccuracies immediately contact the credit bureau and work with them to get them corrected and off of your credit report.

For others, fixing or repairing their credit rating may be a lot more involved and complicated. Start by getting your personal budget balanced. You should not be spending more each month than what you bring in each month. If you are, then get that straightened out immediately. Cut out all unnecessary spending and charging. It is critical that you get your budget and debt repayment plan balanced, while making all debt payments on time. Not making on time payments each month increases the late payment fees you will have to pay, bring about increased interest rates and continue to negatively your credit rating. Once you start making and continue to make your monthly debt payments on time, you should see your credit score start to rise.

If you find that you can not do this on your own, there are many companies that can provide debt consolidation services.

So in essence to improve your credit:

• Create and live by a personal budget that balances your monthly income with your monthly expenses.

• Create a plan to save money and pay off your credit cards and debt.

• Use credit wisely.

• Pay your bills on time every month.

Once you have put all of these tips into action and your credit score begins to improve, you should see your borrowing opportunities improve as well. But remember, good credit habits must be worked at every day, so do not give up and make it a lifetime habit.

James Smith publishes www.all-credit-types.com/. Visit the personal finance web site for more credit information and resources. This article may be freely reprinted as long as the author’s resource box and url links remain intact.

Mortgage loans are some of the most difficult loans to receive if you have
bad credit because lenders focus heavily on your credit score and history
of making payments on time. However, there is credit and loan help for
individuals interested in home mortgage loans.

There are many online resources and loan counselors that will provide you
with plenty of options for credit and loan help, but often times when you
are interested in applying for a mortgage loan the best thing you can do
is increase your credit score.

You can pay a credit service to help you increase your credit score, or
else you can obtain a copy of your credit report and work on getting
negative information removed yourself. This will save you money and
improve your score. Simply view your credit report and then send a letter
to the credit reporting agency that certain information is inaccurate or
wrong and ask for removal of the information. Frequently, this will work
whether the information is accurate or not and you will have an instant
boost in your credit score, which plays a heavy role in your obtaining a
mortgage loan.

Other help available for mortgage loans is mortgage insurance. This is
insurance you buy in order to protect the bank if you default, so when you
have this type of insurance even if your credit is not perfect it will
increase your chances of being approved for a mortgage loan at a good
rate.

Applying for a mortgage is often a very long and drawn out procedure. It
is important to first know your credit limits before even stepping foot
inside a bank or loan office. As motioned above, obtain a copy of your
credit report and make sure all information is correct. Once you know
your credit score and limits you can go ahead and begin the daunting task
of finding a mortgage that Is right for you.

If you have any questions or concerns regarding your credit or mortgage options please visit the credit help forum
OR check out check out Ron’s website promotion service

The credit card wars continue to heat up and that spells “good news” for consumers. Despite rising interest rates, many issuers are continuing with their popular 0% introductory APR plans, giving new card holders a way to save money and pay off their debts. One issuer, Advanta, has thrown the gauntlet down and is now offering a low APR on balances until the debt is paid off. Let’s take a look at three Advanta Business Credit Card offerings to see if one works for you and your wallet.

Advanta Platinum Business Card With Rewards

There just aren’t too many cards out there offering 0% APR beyond the first 12 months of issuance. And why is that? Because, credit card issuers know that interest rates will continue to head up. Fortunately, Advanta is not letting interest rate trends dissuade them from making an important marketing decision: the Advanta Platinum Business Card with Rewards extends the 0% APR period through 16 months, a rarity in the credit card business. What’s more, as the name of the card implies, it comes with a rewards program too. Consumers can get 5% cash back on many purchases or use their points for travel rewards. For a $35 annual fee the card can be transformed into an airline miles accumulator.

Advanta Platinum Business Card

An alternative to the Business Card with Rewards is the Advanta Platinum Business Card. No, you don’t get rewards with the card, but you do get a 12 month 0% APR and a beefy credit line of up to $50,000! This card can work well for business people who must charge just about everything, but don’t want to be restricted by a lower credit line.

Advanta Life-of-Balance Platinum Card

Perhaps one of the most unusual cards in the Advanta arsenal is the Advanta Life-of-Balance Platinum card. If you have balances to transfer, this card can be beneficial as the 2.99% fee on balance transfers stays in effect until the card is paid off. In addition, the card pays you 6% cash back on many purchases or you can redeem your points for travel rewards. In addition, there is no limit on earnings so you can accumulate an unlimited amount of points every year. A truly unusual offer for a business credit card!

So, which business card is right for you? Well, only you can make that determination. Each of the three Advanta cards has its own special features, so weighing what is important to you against what doesn’t matter is one way to go about selecting a new credit card. Still, each Advanta card has so much to offer and getting an Advanta card gives you advantages over many ordinary business cards. Regardless, offers such as these are certain not to last forever, so taking action now will ensure that you get the business credit card that meets your needs.

Copyright Ed Vegliante. Free online reprints of this article are allowed provided the resource box remains intact with a live link back to http://www.credit-card-surplus.com

Please click here to find Advanta Business Credit Cards.

Ed Vegliante runs the website http://www.Credit-Card-Surplus.com, a well organized credit card directory enabling the consumer to compare and apply for a variety of credit card offers.

Have you been denied a loan? Have you been offered one at an unbelievably high rate of interest? Are you having trouble getting a new credit card? If these things have happened to you you’ve got bad credit!

What is bad? Can you fix it?

The most important indicator of poor credit is a low credit rating, otherwise known as a low FICO score. A score of 650 or lower will give you problems while 500 is abysmal. Fico is a number that is calculated, taking into account your total debt, the number and length of late payments, and some other factors. This number is calculated by three main credit reporting agencies and is then made available to lenders and to the individuals themselves.

Improving your credit rating is difficult but definitely possible and is certainly worthwhile. The first steps are personal and have to do with your own habits and tendencies. If you have trouble with self-discipline or if you find it impossible or difficult to keep financial commitments you may want to seek some kind of counseling, perhaps from a credit repair specialist.

But there are other things that you can do that are definitely in your control.

You can begin by getting a copy of your credit reports from all 3 credit reporting agencies: Experian, Trans Union, and Equifax. By law these must be available to you for free once per year. They contain a list of all your debts and indicate problems, such as the number of payments late by over 30 days. The agencies may charge for the actual FICO score but you can sometimes get that for free as well. Review the documents with a fine tooth comb and list all mistakes. Involve a credit repair specialist, if necessary.

Estimates of credit report errors range from 85 to 40%. Some, such as an incorrect age or address are easy to fix but some mistakes take a little more attention. If accounts are shown as open even though you had closed them, or if debts are listed that were incurred by a different person, you should make note, gather your proof and contact the credit reporting agency and politely insist that the information be corrected. Be aware that they will not simply take your word for it but will check it out themselves, so be sure to be honest with them.

Next, make a detailed and realistic budget. Include all monthly obligations and add in a buffer to take care of unexpected expenses. Determine to keep to that budget. Then call all your creditors and tell them what you have done and ask for a reduction of the debt. Be polite at all costs. If necessary, ask for a supervisor. They may not immediately grant your request but as you keep making steady payments they may respond more favorably when you make a follow-up call a few months later. Keep notes of the agreements and keep your word.

Cut up and return as many of your old credit cards as possible. Keep paying on the outstanding balance until the account is eliminated or you can convince the creditor to forgive the remaining debt. Make sure that you try to make more than minimum payments. You can spread this policy out or concentrate on one card at a time. As a credit card’s balance drop keep up the larger payments and when that card is retired apply all your resources to the next card. But make sure to keep up with your minimums on all cards while doing this. Some experts advise that you pay off home loans first and then concentrate on small amount, high APR debt. Pay off these accounts first and then move on to debts of larger amounts.

When applying for a new card, you have some options. You can obtain a secured card, no matter what your credit rating is. You can use it just like any credit card but the limit is determined by how much you actually put into the account. This card should be for emergencies only.

Other, specific kinds of credit cards, such as gas cards or department store cards may be easier to get and if you use them responsibly you can start to see an improvement in your FICO score.

Fixing credit worthiness is less like a repair and more like mending. When you repair something you quickly replace whatever is broken and make it like new. When something mends, the process is much slower and takes a lot of patience. But if you stick with it your credit can be mended just as surely as a broken arm can be mended. So take the first steps now. Have a conversation with yourself and follow the steps outlined in this article.

Stick with it!

Neil Beaton
http://www.a1-mortgage-4-u.com

Restoring credit worthiness: difficult but possible! This is a tough love article. The advice on restoring your credit worthiness, if followed, will enable you, over time, to havemuch better financial prospects.

If you love flying to tropical islands and enjoying the sun and fun or travel to other locations for business and pleasure on your favorite airline then a mileage credit card may be something you would really enjoy. With a mileage credit card, you can earn points to redeem for such trips. If you choose the right mileage card, you will be able to receive enough points to take a trip to Acapulco for a unique vacation or just jump on a flight to visit your high school friends in Atlanta, San Diego, or any other city in the United States. Mileage cards are very popular and are the best way to earn free trips.

The mileage credit card is growing in popularity for one very good reason. If you choose the right mileage credit card you will enjoy accumulating enough points to take not only yourself on an expensive vacation but every member in your family without paying for airline tickets. All you have to do to determine which mileage credit card fits your needs is to read and learn the differences each one offers.

Some people prefer to apply for a mileage credit card with only one airline. This means that you will only accumulate points when you travel on their airline and will only be able to use them for your free or discounted travel plans. However, you can find mileage cards that offer you the choice between different airlines for collecting points and for your free trips. In addition, you must be sure that if you choose one airline that they travel to your favorite destination, or you may not be saving toward that trip to Acapulco. So, check with each mileage credit card before you make your final decision to ensure you can travel to all locations that you wish.

Some mileage credit cards have membership or annual fees that you must pay. Some people do not enjoy paying these yearly fees, but you must remember that these fees may actually aid you in getting more air miles in a shorter amount of time. If you use your mileage credit card for any type of business travel, it can also be a tax deduction.

Another thing to check with every mileage credit card is their mileage plan. You should look for answers to these important questions, will by points or air miles expire, can I receive double miles, and if they have any blackout dates.

Learn what the annual percentage rate will be after their introductory special. Many mileage credit card companies offer 0 percent for the first twelve months and then the rates rise drastically. Learn what these means if you normally carry a balance on your credit instead of paying if off.

Learn everything you can charge purchases for to accumulate points. Some mileage cards offer benefits such as added points when you purchase such items as gas for your car, groceries, and more.

Now you kind of have an idea of what to look for, now get out there and search, so you can enjoy that much-needed vacation in the setting of your choice.

For more on the benefits of a mileage credit card, Robert Alan recommends that you visit CreditCardAssist.com.

Ever wondered what is a credit report? If you’ve ever applied for a credit card, a personal loan, or insurance, there’s a file about you. This file is known as your credit report. It is full of information on where you live, how you pay your bills, and whether you’ve been sued, arrested, or filed for bankruptcy.

Consumer reporting companies sell the information in your report to creditors, insurers, employers, and other businesses with a legitimate need for it. They use the information to evaluate your applications for credit, insurance, employment, or a lease.

Having a good credit report means it will be easier for you to get loans and lower interest rates. Lower interest rates usually translate into smaller monthly payments.

Nevertheless, newspapers and the Internet are filled with ads for companies and services that promise to erase accurate negative information in your credit report in exchange for a fee. The scam artists who run these ads not only don’t deliver - they can’t deliver. Only time and a plan to repay your bills will improve your credit as it’s detailed in your credit report.

Here are details of the type of information that is collected and added to your credit report:

Identification and employment information:

Your name, date of birth, national insurance number, employer, and spouse’s name are noted routinely. The consumer reporting company also may provide information about your employment history, home ownership, income, and previous address, if a creditor asks.

Payment history:

Your accounts with different creditors are listed, showing how much credit has been extended and whether you’ve paid on time. Related events, such as the referral of an overdue account to a collection agency, also may be noted.

Inquiries:

Consumer reporting companies must maintain a record of all creditors who have asked for your credit history within the past year, and a record of individuals or businesses that have asked for your credit history for employment purposes for the past two years.

Public record information:

Events that are a matter of public record, such as bankruptcies may appear in your report.

You may freely reprint this article provided the author’s biography remains intact:

John Mussi is the founder of Direct Online Loans who help UK homeowners find the best available loans via the http://www.directonlineloans.co.uk website.